the issue of women's reproductive rights is very important to me. i have been pro- choice ever since i can remember. the choice of having an abortion is not an ethical or moral issue. it is simply a question of the rights a woman has over her body.
it seems very simple to me. if it is not your uterus, mind your own business.
if the "pro lifers " want to turn it into an ethical issue, i have just one question.
how many unwanted and abandoned babies did you adopt today..
also, as long as nurture remains a woman-only job, men have no right to talk about abortions.
the onus of providing the necessary emotional support so essential for a child, is almost entirely on the mother. so she alone can make the decision of bringing a child into this world.
if people want to talk about morality, i have one more question.
is it fair to bring a child into this world when you know you cannot give him the best you can?
religion,family, morality, ethics, love or even law for that matter has no business in deciding whether a mother should bring another life into this world

there is something highly disconcerting about leaving the known and familiar and moving on to embrace the unknown. we find comfort and solace in the familiar. the unknown scares us. that is why we hold on to friends who are not good for us, old clothes and things that are no longer useful, relationships that have lost their meaning... what we don't understand and realize is that with time, the strange faces on the street become faces whose presence we take for granted and provide us with that sense of familiarity and belonging that we all crave. new people become regulars, new habits become routines and the unfamiliar and the unknown becomes the known and familiar that we find so hard to leave behind

today is world environment day. things each one of us can do to save this beautiful planet

• recycle paper
• don't litter the streets
• try not to use polythene bags. reuse them for as long as possible
• don't use bulbs
• maintain a small garden atleast
  

it's such a beautiful evening. i love it when the weather is like this. pleasant, cool and breezy.
weather like this makes me think of all the wonderful things around me.the big box of chocolate ice-cream, raw mangoes, the big jar of mango pickle, cold water, lemons, sporty deo, the strange and mysterious smell in the air, mangoes(ripe) and lots more.
i think of beautiful songs with beautiful lyrics, the beautiful people around me, the wonderful things that have happened to me...
i can almost smell the rain but not quite. just like that absolute feeling of peace inside me. i know it's there but i can't find it. not yet. not today.

everyone writes about love... i think love means different things to different people. for someone it might be that special person who makes your heart beat just a little faster, for someone it might be that feeling of security and familiarity and for others it might be a person who makes them feel special..As for me, i don't have a specific definition of what love is but a quote by the bending buddha sums it up for me.........................
"love is a cup of hot chocolate on a cold winter day".
i didn't say it wasn't corny!

remember one thing in life... if you had choose between a jerk and a wimp always pick the jerk...

no sex education please.. we are Indians. this is the thinking of a large section of our political class.
a study shows that one out of two children is sexually abused in this country. are you shocked by this? I'm not. with regressive state policies and close minded societies what did you expect? most of these abusers are not punished. why? because we re Indians. we don't talk to our children about it and we don't want them to ask us anything about it. sex is a taboo in the most populous country in the world. ironic..
without sex education how will we inculcate gender sensitivity and teach our children what is sexually appropriate and what is not? without being open and honest how can any child feel secure enough to tell a parent or teacher if they are being abused?
i myself was subject to inappropriate sexual behaviour(not molestation) by an adult when i was 12 years old and despite coming from a very safe and open environment i did not tell anyone. it also took me 3 long months before i realized that this was not supposed to happen and i was in no way a naive girl.
my point is no matter how minor an incident is it takes a child a very long time to get over it and feel safe and normal again. sexual abuse leaves very deep emotional scars and the only way to combat it is to be open to questions and educate our children to keep them safe.

i wrote this on the day when the date on my journal was the same as the actual date.. i have not edited anything and have posted it just as i had written it the other day. here goes...

"i don't know what to write about , but since i want to stay true to my new year's resolution i shall write about something. do i write about myself,others, outstanding political and social issues...? i don't know.
i read this quote ...' i pay my own rent, i don't have to be nice.'i don't know how to react to that.. I'm not exactly a 'nice' girl but i am very good to my family and friends and i do try to be nice to others.. i used to have a very sharp tongue that often got me into trouble at school but I'm growing up now and i make a conscious effort not to be mean.
i can come up with really mean retorts but i choose not to say anything to the really mean people who try to put me down or insult my intelligence.my silence is often mistaken to be a sign of weakness but really what's the point, reacting to stupid people who are so insecure about themselves that they need to put down someone else to feel good about themselves.
i find people with such fragile egos, pathetic. my own self-esteem ( back to normal now thank you very much) is not that fragile.
people have told me that my answers are wrong, i'm not smart enough, i can't solve those problems, my reasoning is wrong and so on..
all i have to say is that my success is measured by how happy,independent and secure i am about myself, my relationships and my vision for my future. as long as i don't compromise on any of these i believe i'm successful so go away.
also, even when we were kids, constantly competing with my cousins and others around us, my mom( smart woman) always told both my sis and i that there was no need to tell anyone about any of our so called achievements or brag about anything we did because life and not words was going to be the true test and the true judge.
i believe the same as well. there is really no point trying to prove yourself to prize idiots. if you have to prove a point prove it yourself... no one else is really worth it!"

today i shall talk about being taken seriously!

I'm a smart girl with a sensible head on her shoulders and I'm practical and realistic. I'm also a well dressed( although the self proclaimed fashionistas of my college might disagree..), above average looking girl who cracks jokes, takes being teased quite sportively and likes flirting a bit with boys...
i rarely talk about the books i read although i read a LOT and seldom share my political or religious views with anyone except a few and never correct the atrocious grammar of the people around me. does that make me stupid? does that make me a butterfly? i think not... however some of the people around me seem to disagree.... they consider me to be a butterfly. not driven enough, not intelligent enough not ambitious enough.....
i of course want to be taken seriously!! so after thinking long and hard this is the conclusion i have come to. if you belong to the female homosapien category you must do one or few or all of the following to be taken seriously:

1. dress like the back of a bus. i mean wear only gray, black and dull blue.
2. get into an occasional argument with the fool-of -a -boy you are hanging out with about science,politics or religion and of course give in to what he says in the end.
3. put down everyone around you
4. when the fool of a boy you constantly hang out with says something act as though it is the most profound thing you ever heard.
   
5. do not read Danielle Steel. burn all the high school romance crap that you so love to read.
6. claim that you never ever gossip. call anyone else who does "silly".
7. be as aggressive as you can possibly be. if you're nice then you are so obviously stupid.
8. read fat, bizarre books that no one has ever heard of.
9. don't ever be caught with a copy of filmfare or cosmo.
10. be as close minded as you can possibly be and reject all ideas and principles except your own as stupid.

OR
ditch the fool-of-a-boy, forget about what other people think of you, have loads of fun, look great and celebrate your uniqueness.. ............. as for being taken seriously... who cares as long as you take yourself seriously and do the things you want to do as well as you can.

I need no warrant for being, and no word of sanction upon my being. I am the warrant and the sanction.

Ayn Rand, Anthem, 1946
US (Russian-born) novelist (1905 - 1982)

4 questions

i have 4 questions that i want to ask if i ever meet the Creator

1. is it ok to be arrogant?
2. is it ok to be mean to the people who are mean to us?
3. does every dog really have its day?
4. is it ok to think that you are better than a few other people?

there comes a time in everyone's life when there are a number choices and each choice just as good as the other, each road is as exciting as the other and each opportunity as wonderful as the other and the only thing we need to do is choose and yet this becomes one of the most difficult phases in life and the only time that something goes wrong is when we don't choose or choose to do nothing at all.

is it the end of feminism?most people seem to agree. when i tell people that I'm a feminist they think I'm being an idiot. after all it's the new millennium... the age of the liberated woman. it's the age of easy money,binge drinking,designer labels and multiple sex partners (it's called sexual freedom these days??!!)
liberated???yeah right!!if this is freedom i wonder what the opposite means.if we are truly liberated how come our streets and cities have not become safer for women?why do we still have those stereotypes?why do more girls than ever before suffer from low self esteem? and why do we still have to "turn off "the lights? i thought we were in charge!!!!
so what's my point?
my point is we still have quite a few problems.. gender equality and gender sensitivity are still distant goals. objectifying women as sexual objects has reached an all time high and the worst part is we seem to be getting used to it.we think it's OK when we feel that it's not. fad diets are still a rage and wanting to lose a few pounds seems to be the ambition of most women i meet.
and role models........ it's Jessica Simpson and Britney spears. it's not Oprah or Hillary Clinton and it's certainly not Serena Williams.
liberated? think again. we constantly dumb ourselves down to please the unsuitable and unprepared men in our lives and the only important thing is that i get the cute bag featured in this month's Cosmo.
domestic violence, eve teasing, sexual harassment.., 'don't be such a bore darling it's not our problem'. and the women's studies section in the nearest book store contains books like " 21 ways to make your man happy" and " a girl's guide to breaking up without baggage".
equal pay, gender sensitivity in the work place and domestic violence....?non issues. not because all that is absent our worlds but because we're too full of ourselves to care!
yes, it is the best time to be born as a girl in most parts of the world because we have all the privileges our previous generation fought for. we have the power of education, we have economic and financial independence and most importantly we have a voice. maybe now is the time to actually use it.

one of my friends sent me this mail. makes you think.....

The Heterosexual Questionnaire

Attributed to Martin Rochlin, Ph.D.
January 1977

(unpublished and not copyrighted)

Most LGBT people are put, all too frequently, into situations where they have to defend their sexuality. This places a considerable burden on people who resent feeling they need to justify or explain their sexual lifestyle. To help non-LGBT people understand how it feels to be placed in such a situation, the following questionnaire was devised, which is based on “heterophobic” premises, rather than homophobic premises, which exist chronically in our society.

Please try to answer the following questions as honestly as possible. It's going to be hard. That's the whole point.

1. What do you think caused your heterosexuality?

2. When and how did you first decide you were a heterosexual?

3. Is it possible that your heterosexuality stems from a neurotic fear of others of the same sex?

4. Is it possible that your heterosexuality is just a phase you may grow out of?

5. Isn't it possible that all you need is a good gay lover?

6. Heterosexuals have histories of failure in gay relationships. Do you think you may have turned to heterosexuality out of fear of rejection?

7. If you've never slept with a person of the same sex, how do you know that you wouldn't prefer that?

8. If heterosexuality is normal, why are a disproportionate number of mental patients heterosexual?

9. To whom have you disclosed your heterosexual tendencies? How did they react?

10. Your heterosexuality doesn't offend me so long as you don't try to force it on me. Why do you people feel compelled to seduce others into your sexual orientation?

11. If you should choose to nurture children, would you want them to be heterosexual, knowing the problems they would face?

12. The great majority of child molesters are heterosexuals. Do you really consider it safe to expose your children to heterosexual teachers?

13. Why do you insist on being so obvious, and making a public spectacle of your heterosexuality? Can't you just be who you are and keep it quiet?

14. How can you ever hope to become a whole person if you limit yourself to a compulsive, exclusive, heterosexual object choice, and remain unwilling to explore and develop your normal, healthy, God-given homosexual potential?

15. Heterosexuals are noted for assigning themselves and each other narrowly restricted, stereotyped sex-roles. Why do you cling to such unhealthy role playing?

16. How can you enjoy a fully satisfying sexual experience or deep emotional rapport with a person of the opposite sex, when the obvious, biological, and temperamental differences between you are so vast? How can a man understand what pleases a woman sexually, or vice versa?

17. Why do heterosexuals place so much emphasis on sex?

18. With all the societal support marriage receives, the divorce rate is spiraling. Why are there so few stable relationships among heterosexuals?

19. Shouldn't you ask the fringe straight types, like swingers, Hell's Angels, and Jesus freaks, to conform more? Wouldn't that improve your image?

20. How could the human race survive if everyone were heterosexual, considering the menace of overpopulation?

21. There seem to be very few happy heterosexuals. Techniques have been developed with which you might be able to change if you really want to. Have you considered trying aversion therapy?

22. Do heterosexuals hate or distrust others of the same sex? Is that what makes them heterosexual?

23. Why are heterosexuals so promiscuous?

24. Could you really trust a heterosexual therapist to be objective and unbiased? Don't you fear he/she might be inclined to influence you in the direction of her/his own feelings?

If you really took this questionnaire seriously, right now, you're probably feeling a bit depressed, defensive, and maybe even a little ashamed. Well, now imagine that this were real, not just a little exercise. Rather, it was all of society, your family, your friends asking you these questions and really wanting the answers. Not only is your own knowledge of your own sexuality, feelings, and body questioned, but now you must defend a whole group of people who happen to have one similarity with you, most of whom you've never even meet because to fail to do so in any way, in anyone's eyes is to say that you are *fill in the stereotype or negative image*, just like they are.

Now you have a better idea of how LGBT persons feel every day. The only differences are that you only felt this way for a few minutes and now you can go back to a world of acceptance. This is not a temporary experience for LGBT persons who can't turn it off and find a world of acceptance. They still have to answer these questions and many more each and every day.

I hope that you have learned something from this experience. It's always very hard to truly understand how another person feels until you are in their shoes. That is what this exercise was about. It was never intended to actually make you believe that your sexuality is wrong or that you have to defend it in anyway, but rather to give you a better idea of how LGBT persons feel when they are made to feel guilty and forced to defend our own life and sexuality to people they don't even know.

I hope that the next time you hear someone saying something like what you read above in this questionnaire, you will remember how you felt when it was you in that place and that you will have not only compassion (which you probably had to begin with since you are reading this), but also a little more understanding. This is a big world and there is plenty of room for all kinds of people in it! So, please, celebrate diversity and support the right of all people to live, love, and be happy without question and without having to defend the gender of the person that they share their life with!

"if you are not a dreamer you certainly will not be an achiever"

you have a problem with self esteem if:

1. your own self esteem is built by trashing others';
2. you cant think of anything special about yourself when you don't compare yourself with others;
3. you judge the world around you and think you are better than the rest of the world;
4. when you dramatize events in your head and act up on it in real life to get more attention;
5. your friends treat you horribly but you can't see it for yourself or worse you see it but think it is OK;
6. you have sex to make someone love you even when you re not ready;
7. you act as though you own the world but can't take even the slightest criticism in the right spirit;
8. you read this and feel that i have no idea what i'm talking about.

pablo picasso said 'god is ,above all , an artist. he invented the giraffe, the elephant and the ant. he never tried to follow a particular style. he simply kept on doing what he felt like doing.'

true achievers in life are those who are always on the path of self-improvement and self-realization.by achiever i don't mean 'CEO', i mean people who are happy about themselves and their lives and in peace with the universe.
self-improvement is a constant and exciting journey. it helps us become the kind of people we wish to be. self-improvement can mean different things to different people but the important part is to go about it.
telling yourself and the universe that 'this is the way i am' is not only self-defeating but also downright lazy.it is a lame excuse for not doing the things you want to do and not being the person you want be....

life is so beautiful and mysterious and what better way to celebrate life than to celebrate your own b'day. i love birthdays. they are so festive and joyous, especially my own.i don't like surprises but every year on my birthday someone or the other surprises me .. i tend to surprise myself too because on each birthday i learn something nice and new about myself that i like.
i believe that all of us are children of god and that itself makes us so special and i simply cannot understand when people say that 'it's not a big deal' when it comes to their birthdays.. of course it's a big deal. this is the day YOU were born.. this is the day your friends and parents were blessed with a special person who would change their life ...
every year on my birthday at midnight my friends call, my mom wishes me and in midst of all this i take a moment to wish myself for i am the most important person in my life and i deserve to wish myself all the happiness there can be. i also say a little prayer thanking Him for making the year that passed so wonderful. i also thank Him for the special people in my life for they have made my life more beautiful. i also feel that i should thank Him for myself.. because it is that which lies inside of me that makes me wonderful and special, that brought special people in to my life.. each year i think of the lessons that i have learnt and pray for more courage, more compassion and a little more hope.
happy birthday to me....

some people don't think. they don't care. they refuse to see beyond their own worlds. i ask you,how is this possible? people around us are suffering, dying, experiencing miracles or doing great things. how can any of this not deserve any thought.human beings are selfish and celf-centred. yes we must think of ourselves first because noone else will do so in this dog eat dog world of ours but this does not mean we shouldn't step out of the narrow confines of our own worlds.
empathy is a beautiful quality found only in human beings. yet we do the best we can to repress and ignore this quality until it dies.all great men in the history of mankind had been blessed with empathy. this made them think beyond the mundane struggles of everyday life and enabled them to do great things.
if gandhi hadn't thought of the nation as a whole would freedom be a reality? if mandela had not thought of the pain of the blacks and runaway from his motherland like so many others, would he be considered a legend? if the world had thought about the plight of the jews, couldn't one of the greatest tragedies of civilization been averted?
yes. empathy makes us makes human. to feel the pain of another human makes us think beyond our little safe worlds.only when you feel pain can you even think of alleviating it. it helps us become the person we want to be but dare not. it helps us feel great joy when it isn't actually our own and makes us feel pain that is quite faraway.
empathy makes us better, happier and thinking human beings.